There is only one thing
I want this Christmas.
A warm greeting,
A smiling face.
Not from anyone.
Just from You.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Statuses of Late Night Overthinking
Every once in a while, I spend way too much time ruminating over my life problems and proceed to become self-loathing and depressed. This is some real pretentious emo-kid stuff if I am being honest with how it may look to an outsider.
Some nights are more serious than others. Within the last couple of years, I've had some real low points. When I say "low" I mean considering the "S" word.
This is the part where someone more normal and less self-aware might post a depressing ambiguous status to Facebook or Twitter in some sick attempt to foster attention and fake sympathy from the internet. I can't say I haven't had the urge to do this myself on occasion. Even though inherently I don't like the idea of gushing to the internet publicly-- I feel like posting something here would be somewhat different.
No one has even read my recent posts so if any one was going to end up reading this, it might be someone (a friend) who could truly help me.
With that here are some statuses from one of those nights -- ie tonight.
"I wonder if it might be better if I wasn't here sometimes. I think about it way too often."
"When one spends all their time concerned about and helping others, one wonders who is concerned and helping one."
"Why is life so freakin' hard?"
"If I actually followed my own advice, I wouldn't feel like this."
Try to have a good night, friends.
Some nights are more serious than others. Within the last couple of years, I've had some real low points. When I say "low" I mean considering the "S" word.
This is the part where someone more normal and less self-aware might post a depressing ambiguous status to Facebook or Twitter in some sick attempt to foster attention and fake sympathy from the internet. I can't say I haven't had the urge to do this myself on occasion. Even though inherently I don't like the idea of gushing to the internet publicly-- I feel like posting something here would be somewhat different.
No one has even read my recent posts so if any one was going to end up reading this, it might be someone (a friend) who could truly help me.
With that here are some statuses from one of those nights -- ie tonight.
"I wonder if it might be better if I wasn't here sometimes. I think about it way too often."
"When one spends all their time concerned about and helping others, one wonders who is concerned and helping one."
"Why is life so freakin' hard?"
"If I actually followed my own advice, I wouldn't feel like this."
Try to have a good night, friends.
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Being Thankful
On this Thanksgiving in 2015. There are a lot of noteworthy things I can be thankful for. However, Thanksgiving should be but a mere placeholder in one's mind as a date that need not be placed on a pedestal as something to give credence to our thankful thoughts. Being thankful and humble are things that should be in forefront of the mind every day of the year.
Because of certain life events in recent months, I have been more focused than ever on the values laid out above. I truly marvel at the fortunate circumstance I find myself in with each passing day, hour, and minute that goes by.
I was born to a mother in South Korea who could not take care of me and thus made the difficult decision to put me up for adoption. The two people who became the mom and dad I know today are two of the best people I know. Without their guidance, care, and love, I do not wish to fathom what other sort of person could have emerged.
It was their foundation that has allowed me to spring forward in the positive directions I have: surrounding myself with excellent friends and being the type of person who's legacy could be defined by those friends.
Thanks to the support of these friends and family, I have met perhaps the best person I have had the privilege to know. A person who I love and want nothing more than to be loved back by. It's been an eventful year, indeed. But on this Thanksgiving in 2015, let's all try to remember how we arrived here and strive to make the most of what we have every single day.
Because of certain life events in recent months, I have been more focused than ever on the values laid out above. I truly marvel at the fortunate circumstance I find myself in with each passing day, hour, and minute that goes by.
I was born to a mother in South Korea who could not take care of me and thus made the difficult decision to put me up for adoption. The two people who became the mom and dad I know today are two of the best people I know. Without their guidance, care, and love, I do not wish to fathom what other sort of person could have emerged.
It was their foundation that has allowed me to spring forward in the positive directions I have: surrounding myself with excellent friends and being the type of person who's legacy could be defined by those friends.
Thanks to the support of these friends and family, I have met perhaps the best person I have had the privilege to know. A person who I love and want nothing more than to be loved back by. It's been an eventful year, indeed. But on this Thanksgiving in 2015, let's all try to remember how we arrived here and strive to make the most of what we have every single day.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Influence and Interaction
Sometimes I really question what sort of effect I have on
others just by my every day demeanor. It’s an extremely difficult thing to
judge in oneself. I believe this effect on others is something that really
measures a person’s true character.
Admittedly, this matters to me a great deal. Through
intimate conversation I know I’ve had a profound effect long-term on others. It’s
one thing to influence others positively over a long period of time and
interaction. It’s quite another to do that in the short-term. Simply by being
around others, those people are instantly uplifted.
This is a trait I wish I possessed as so many of those
around me tend to easily drift to a wavering state of uneasiness. Perhaps in
time I will be able to reach them, but why not more immediately? I want to be looked upon for strength. However, at this moment, I feel as though there is no way I could possibly be viewed that way. It’s at these
times, I feel the most unsure of myself.
What Visiting Home is Like
My parents are two of the greatest people I know. That seems
like something obvious that a son would say, but I know enough that others are
not as lucky as me when it comes to upbringing. With that said, they do get on
my nerves plenty. This weekend was a prime example. Constant grilling about my
relationship situation among other life choices they subtlely disapprove of wears on my patience.
I’ll return home once again this coming weekend and hope that I can tolerate
another one of their questioning sessions.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Life's Changes - A Refreshing New Start
It's been years since I've posted to this blog and I have the unambiguous feeling of guilt for neglecting it for so long that inevitably comes with such a long drought. I looked back at my previous posts wondering why I couldn't take a small amount of my time to write something similar.
The malaise of everyday life was not worth writing about. The mile stones of life had come few and far between for me. The last significant one having long past the day I moved to Des Moines several years ago which was around the time my last post was.
With all that build up, this new post comes when I start a new position at my workplace and move to a new apartment, all the while starting a new relationship. Time seems to be moving so fast for me right now, that my mind has a difficult time comprehending each passing second.
Not only are these changes very tangible but it feels very symbolic too. This experience is definitely going to be a defining moment in my life. One of the more difficult things to spot while they are happening, but this seems obvious and I'm not complaining in the least.
Things could not be much better for me right now and so it up to me to make the most of it. These kind of rare lightning bolts of opportunity don't strike too often and one can't wait around for another one to hit the same spot. I'm not sure if this means more regular posts, but let's hope that it does.
The malaise of everyday life was not worth writing about. The mile stones of life had come few and far between for me. The last significant one having long past the day I moved to Des Moines several years ago which was around the time my last post was.
With all that build up, this new post comes when I start a new position at my workplace and move to a new apartment, all the while starting a new relationship. Time seems to be moving so fast for me right now, that my mind has a difficult time comprehending each passing second.
Not only are these changes very tangible but it feels very symbolic too. This experience is definitely going to be a defining moment in my life. One of the more difficult things to spot while they are happening, but this seems obvious and I'm not complaining in the least.
Things could not be much better for me right now and so it up to me to make the most of it. These kind of rare lightning bolts of opportunity don't strike too often and one can't wait around for another one to hit the same spot. I'm not sure if this means more regular posts, but let's hope that it does.
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