Being Thankful

On this Thanksgiving in 2015. There are a lot of noteworthy things I can be thankful for. However, Thanksgiving should be but a mere placeholder in one's mind as a date that need not be placed on a pedestal as something to give credence to our thankful thoughts. Being thankful and humble are things that should be in forefront of the mind every day of the year.

Because of certain life events in recent months, I have been more focused than ever on the values laid out above. I truly marvel at the fortunate circumstance I find myself in with each passing day, hour, and minute that goes by.

I was born to a mother in South Korea who could not take care of me and thus made the difficult decision to put me up for adoption. The two people who became the mom and dad I know today are two of the best people I know. Without their guidance, care, and love, I do not wish to fathom what other sort of person could have emerged.

It was their foundation that has allowed me to spring forward in the positive directions I have: surrounding myself with excellent friends and being the type of person who's legacy could be defined by those friends.

Thanks to the support of these friends and family, I have met perhaps the best person I have had the privilege to know. A person who I love and want nothing more than to be loved back by. It's been an eventful year, indeed. But on this Thanksgiving in 2015, let's all try to remember how we arrived here and strive to make the most of what we have every single day.

Influence and Interaction

Sometimes I really question what sort of effect I have on others just by my every day demeanor. It’s an extremely difficult thing to judge in oneself. I believe this effect on others is something that really measures a person’s true character.

Admittedly, this matters to me a great deal. Through intimate conversation I know I’ve had a profound effect long-term on others. It’s one thing to influence others positively over a long period of time and interaction. It’s quite another to do that in the short-term. Simply by being around others, those people are instantly uplifted.

This is a trait I wish I possessed as so many of those around me tend to easily drift to a wavering state of uneasiness. Perhaps in time I will be able to reach them, but why not more immediately? I want to be looked upon for strength. However, at this moment, I feel as though there is no way I could possibly be viewed that way. It’s at these times, I feel the most unsure of myself. 

What Visiting Home is Like

My parents are two of the greatest people I know. That seems like something obvious that a son would say, but I know enough that others are not as lucky as me when it comes to upbringing. With that said, they do get on my nerves plenty. This weekend was a prime example. Constant grilling about my relationship situation among other life choices they subtlely  disapprove of wears on my patience. I’ll return home once again this coming weekend and hope that I can tolerate another one of their questioning sessions.

Life's Changes - A Refreshing New Start

It's been years since I've posted to this blog and I have the unambiguous feeling of guilt for neglecting it for so long that inevitably comes with such a long drought. I looked back at my previous posts wondering why I couldn't take a small amount of my time to write something similar.

The malaise of everyday life was not worth writing about. The mile stones of life had come few and far between for me. The last significant one having long past the day I moved to Des Moines several years ago which was around the time my last post was.

With all that build up, this new post comes when I start a new position at my workplace and move to a new apartment, all the while starting a new relationship. Time seems to be moving so fast for me right now, that my mind has a difficult time comprehending each passing second.

Not only are these changes very tangible but it feels very symbolic too. This experience is definitely going to be a defining moment in my life. One of the more difficult things to spot while they are happening, but this seems obvious and I'm not complaining in the least.

Things could not be much better for me right now and so it up to me to make the most of it. These kind of rare lightning bolts of opportunity don't strike too often and one can't wait around for another one to hit the same spot. I'm not sure if this means more regular posts, but let's hope that it does.

Writing is Hard

I finally made my first submission to a writing magazine with the goal of getting published. I submitted four poems to the Iowa Review poetry contest which included a revised version of the most recent poem on this blog. Having just discovered this contest a week ago, I didn't have much time to write any new pieces, so I submitted what I thought were among my best and favorite poems I had written in the past-- reworked of course.

Submitting things for publication has always been on my mind since college. I am disappointed in myself for taking this long to pull the trigger. I know it's a difficult and unsympathetic road that I am subjecting my work to, but I must not be discouraged and keep trying. Writing is definitely what I want to do for a living, and I have to take steps to make that a reality. Wish me luck, and I will give updates on my progress.

Untitled Poem

In those days,
We were true.
No one there.
Things were new.

Now you are gone.
I search alone.
There is no hope.
My heart is stone.

Can I hide?
Is all lost?
Can you see?
At what cost?

No way out.
The night calls.
I move forward.
My body falls.

Growing Up and Growing Apart - What Do I Do When A Friend Moves Away?

I need to delay my posts about those closest to me, because I need to address the issue of said people drifting farther away, quite literally. It's been two weeks. Two weeks since my best friend moved away-- over 1800 miles away to the California coast. In life, it is foolish to think that we as humans will stay in the same place all the time. I knew the day would come when we would have to say good bye and go our separate ways and live our separate lives. Even knowing this, I was not prepared.

The date of which he would move away and be gone from the range of my extended voice came upon me so abruptly, I didn't have much time to react. Our final evening sharing each other's company drew to a close and the weight of the situation fell upon me. I didn't know what to say or do. What to do you say to someone who has been your closest friend since the 8th grade and is now leaving for who knows how long? All I said was, "I'm going to miss you." This is easily one of the most difficult statements I have uttered in my life. I didn't expect to be so emotional. Walking out of his apartment door, I thought to myself, "This is it. I don't know when we'll see each other again."

It was done. So brief. I wanted to say more but couldn't find the words. The door taunted me as I turned back. I stared as if wanting to see through the door or somehow open it without me having to walk back. The walk to through the parking lot was a slow one. My tears prevailed once I entered my car.