The Difference A Year Makes

 It's been almost a year now that I quit my job. At the same time, my life took an abrupt downward turn that I have not been able to pull myself out of and no signs of it becoming any better.

My closest friends left me to pursue their own ambitions, leaving me with nothing to look forward to and no one to protect me from myself.

May God have mercy on my soul.

I Hate My Life

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Today I really messed up

I don't deserve to live.

Sometimes I have no idea

There is not a worse feeling than disappointing someone who counts on you. I feel defeated. There seems to be nothing for me here so what am I even doing? I just don't know.

Today...

It sucked. I hate everything.

I wish my life was over.

I have many good friends.  These are close friends that I know I can count on and trust. Of this, I am truly grateful, thankful, and blessed.

Even so, I can’t escape the feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and fear. These demons haunt me to no end and it’s difficult for those close to me to understand. Each day I ponder the reason I have for rising each morning.

To those reading this, know that I am not well. I need you more than ever, and above all else, just try to understand.

I apologize to those I have brought down because of my behavior or mood. My mind has been ensnared. Know that if I am no longer around one day soon, it is not your fault and only my own. I wish I knew what to do. I’m sorry.