I Hate My Life

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Today I really messed up

I don't deserve to live.

Sometimes I have no idea

There is not a worse feeling than disappointing someone who counts on you. I feel defeated. There seems to be nothing for me here so what am I even doing? I just don't know.

Today...

It sucked. I hate everything.

I wish my life was over.

I have many good friends.  These are close friends that I know I can count on and trust. Of this, I am truly grateful, thankful, and blessed.

Even so, I can’t escape the feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and fear. These demons haunt me to no end and it’s difficult for those close to me to understand. Each day I ponder the reason I have for rising each morning.

To those reading this, know that I am not well. I need you more than ever, and above all else, just try to understand.

I apologize to those I have brought down because of my behavior or mood. My mind has been ensnared. Know that if I am no longer around one day soon, it is not your fault and only my own. I wish I knew what to do. I’m sorry.

Well...

A lot of people around me are finally doing well.

I should be happy.

I don't know why I'm not.

If I were to go to sleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow, I don't think that would be such a bad thing...