A lot of people around me are finally doing well.
I should be happy.
I don't know why I'm not.
If I were to go to sleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow, I don't think that would be such a bad thing...
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
Manga and Suicide
I recently finished reading a manga called Orange (Spoilers ahead). It's a romance that centers around a group of friends and their efforts to prevent the male main character (Kakeru) from killing himself and thus enabling him to hook up with the female main character.
I imagine a plot like this resonates more with the Japanese audience since suicide is a more pronounced societal issue than it is here. However, I was deeply affected by the plight of the characters since the ideas and discourse presented in the story are things I can relate to in more ways than one-- most poignantly the lingering and haunting thought of ending my own life.
The themes are certainly familiar to anyone who has been suicidal. If loved ones somehow learn of the depression, they instantly want to help, it's the natural reaction and I understand it. However, to people who have these nagging thoughts, it's not always so simple and this is illustrated well throughout the story.
Kakeru feels he doesn't deserve to be among the living even though it is obvious to him and the reader that his friends would certainly be greatly affected for the worse if he carries out his plan to end his own life. Even so, he doesn't shake the thought of suicide until the very end of the story.
I am very fortunate to be literally surrounded by great friends and a loving family but this alone is not a cure for these dreadful feelings. It's hard to explain. I think I am like a lot of others that believe that those around them could simply carry on without them.
The manga's story is interesting because it shows the future where Kakeru had killed himself and how it filled the other characters with a tremendous amount of regret and self-loathing. It makes me wonder what a future would be like without a me in it. I suppose it is this future presented in the story that has resonated with me. Life is full of regrets and it is one of the worst feelings.
I don't want to be the cause of anyone having such a horrible feeling for the rest of their lives. Still it's a struggle to keep going sometimes and I still question whether I have the strength to fight this shadow of myself back into the recesses of my mind.
I imagine a plot like this resonates more with the Japanese audience since suicide is a more pronounced societal issue than it is here. However, I was deeply affected by the plight of the characters since the ideas and discourse presented in the story are things I can relate to in more ways than one-- most poignantly the lingering and haunting thought of ending my own life.
The themes are certainly familiar to anyone who has been suicidal. If loved ones somehow learn of the depression, they instantly want to help, it's the natural reaction and I understand it. However, to people who have these nagging thoughts, it's not always so simple and this is illustrated well throughout the story.
Kakeru feels he doesn't deserve to be among the living even though it is obvious to him and the reader that his friends would certainly be greatly affected for the worse if he carries out his plan to end his own life. Even so, he doesn't shake the thought of suicide until the very end of the story.
I am very fortunate to be literally surrounded by great friends and a loving family but this alone is not a cure for these dreadful feelings. It's hard to explain. I think I am like a lot of others that believe that those around them could simply carry on without them.
The manga's story is interesting because it shows the future where Kakeru had killed himself and how it filled the other characters with a tremendous amount of regret and self-loathing. It makes me wonder what a future would be like without a me in it. I suppose it is this future presented in the story that has resonated with me. Life is full of regrets and it is one of the worst feelings.
I don't want to be the cause of anyone having such a horrible feeling for the rest of their lives. Still it's a struggle to keep going sometimes and I still question whether I have the strength to fight this shadow of myself back into the recesses of my mind.
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